My story

As my story unravels it self on the pages before me I cant help wondering who that little girl was.  I hardly recognise her, was that really me?  I have learnt throughout my life that the human mind is capable of coping with just about anything, we all have a built in default button hidden in the depths of our mind.  Whilst writing my book, I have travelled to places I never wanted to revisit, I have remembered events that haunted me through my whole childhood, that little girl I am writing about is far stronger than the woman I am today.

I want to travel back in time right now and say to her “everything is going to be ok” I want to tell her that there is a whole better world out there just waiting for her, all you have to do is get through your childhood and you will then control your own destiny.  I have the utmost respect for this little girl. I look to my own daughter now and wonder at anyone who could cause any amount of pain to a child, its unthinkable to me I will never be able to understand.

I am on the most amazing journey with my book and I hope that when its finished you will all feel the same way when reading it.  I am a firm believer that you can do anything if you put your mind to it, you just have to want it badly enough. A passion for anything can drive you forward at an unbelievable speed, I know I’m currently speeding at 200 miles per hour!!!

This world is a beautiful place we just need to open our eyes a little wider sometimes.

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My princess & I

When you have children you take a completely different view of the world … I used to look so polished, my hair was immaculate, my make up just right, my nails a different colour every other day!  Then I had Lilliah, my beautiful princess, and every thing changed.  I’m lucky if I have time to put on my mascara before leaving the house!  This said I would not have it any other way, she has inspired me to pick up my writing again – every time I look at her angel like face I know she will be proud of me one day. I do what I do for Lilliah as well as myself.  I want to leave her with something before I depart this wonderful planet, something that will maybe inspire her one day to full fill her dreams what ever they may be.  I want to instill in her that any thing is possible if you want it bad enough, nothing is out of reach.

One thing I know for sure  is that Lilliah makes everything that I have been through worthwhile, I believe that every step I have taken  in my life was leading me to the point when I became a mother to my princess. Just the other day she said very seriously ” mummy what are you doing” I replied ” writing you a story”  I then went on to explain to her that its a very special story for you to read when your all grown up like mummy.  She then walked over to me and gave me a big kiss – priceless.  There is no love like the love of a child.  It is  the highest of all honours to be a parent one that should never be taken for granted.

The child first and foremost.

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Life is a journey worth taking!

Life is a journey to be experienced to its fullest.  This is my view at least, the willingness to accept challenges put before you, the world is a very small place yet it is also vast in its entirety. We so often forget the wonder of the world and all it has to offer – why? Quick answer: because we are so busy living our lives it often escapes us. Do you remember when you were a child and how amazing everything appeared to you then? Seeing your first rainbow, the snow falling for the very first time, your first holiday the sea and its vastness (even if it was only Skegness!) Just the pure wonder of it all. Well, as unusal as it may seem, I still feel like that about many things (yes I am a grown up now just incase your wondering)! I am lucky that I still remember how it felt to experience those innocent parts of life for the first time – maybe its because they are all I have to hold on to from my childhood.

I still stand in wonder at that perfect rainbow following a summer shower, or hold my breath for a second when approaching the seaside for the first time in a while.  My point is life can all to easily distract you from the wonder of the world around you, if you stop the world and get off for just a little while it will be a break worth taking – trust me on this I do it often.  Life is a runaway train with many stations … the journey is what you make of it.

As adults we hold our destiny in the palm of our hands, we determine our own fate for the most part, we may not realise it sometimes, however depending on which doors we choose to open in our life or what station we get off at these decisions will determine our over all fate in the end. So as someone once said to me many years ago, “choose your path carefully and look both ways!”

Dawn

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Treasure your friendships!

I have been full of excitement recently due to setting up my blog site and writing frantically! My head has been buzzing with ideas and I want to share them with just about anyone of my friends who will listen. This said I think I’m in danger of boring them silly – “over kill” I think they call it! I was having lunch with a very good friend of mine she made the fatal mistake of asking me how I was doing, and that was all it took – I was off the starting block and sprinting! When I eventually came up for air she looked exhausted, it occurred to me right there and then that I had had the same affect on everyone recently! Accept of course my daughter because she is only 2yrs and 8 months old, don’t get me wrong if she was able to understand fully what I was talking about she too would be a target for my excitement. I am so passionate about my writing I love to hear my fingers tapping away on my keyboard, I love to see the next page scroll up into view once you have completed the former, but I must remember my friends and family don’t need to hear all my inner thoughts! This said they have been very willing participants and I ask my self why? The reason I conclude is this, pure love and friendship… you can’t buy this off a shelf in Tesco’s! So if your luckily enough to have this then it must be treasured as it is priceless.

The beauty of all this is my lovely friends and family have been there all the way, listening, advising, and encouraging me in all that I do. The importance of surrounding your self with good people who genuinely care about you is tantamount to your future success I believe. Sometimes you just need to talk things through with someone, sound out ideas with them, receive their feedback and generally just knowing they are there for you whether things are going well for you or not.

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A sneak preview of my book! (enjoy)

A childhood lost (Ameila’s story)

I did not know what it was like to live without fear, or to wake up in the morning with my mother in the kitchen getting breakfast ready.  I woke up each morning to closed curtains, mother still in bed drunk from the night before (nursing a bad head ache). On days like these Jake and I awoke to our bedroom doors unlocked and can only assume she thought to unlock them in advance of her drunken spree whilst we were already asleep. We had to get our own breakfast every day (ready break and cornflakes were a favourite I recall)!  During the winter we would favour porridge, but there was no microwave back then so we would have to make do with cold milk if Mother was unable to get out of bed. I could not reach the cupboards so I would stand on a chair and climb onto the high kitchen Top! After feeding and dressing ourselves, we would go out the front of the house and play with the other children.  More often than not it would be near 1 o’clock in the afternoon before our mother surfaced, and always in a bad mood, shouting and screaming because we had left a mess in the kitchen. After she had berated us to the point of bringing us to tear’s, Mother would then throw us out of the house and shout further abuse at us, in front of the other children.  We would not be allowed back into the house until dark, but this suited both Jake and I.

During the hot summer days, we would play with the older children from our square, and often all head down to the wide river, with over hanging trees.  The other kids had been going to the river long before Jake and I, and had made a make shift swing out of an old tyre and a bit of rope (we thought this was the best thing ever)!  We spent whole days hanging onto the swing and would jump off into the deep river below without any fear at all!  Those days away from our mother were good days…and earned a place in my memory bank for the future which was pretty empty. We also spent many summer days scrumping in an old orchard attached to an old ruin near Madeley School the orchard was well stocked with damson trees, pear trees apple trees, and plum trees, and many blackberry bushes. We would be armed with old Carrefour plastic bags – lots of them – and all would eventually be filled with fruit until they were bursting … forgetting we would have to carry them all the way home!  Jake and I would climb to the top of the trees teasing each other – seeing who could climb the fastest, and there were many times when we would slip and fall, but this did not stop us we would get straight back up onto our feet and with in seconds we would be at the top of the tree again!  In the grounds of the old ruin there was a sundial several hundred years old – I remember this so well because I was transfixed by it as a child, thinking it was beautiful.  Just outside the front of the old ruin was a small lake which we used to skim stones into We would hold competitions to see who could skim the furthest!

I believe this old ruin has now been made into a luxury hotel. However in those days this beautiful old building with large over grown gardens was our place – Jake and Amelia’s secret place faraway from the clutches of our evil mother.  At the end of the day we would carry our bulging bags all the way home in the hope to please our mother, and on these occasions even for just a little while she would smile accept the fruit and start baking apple pies, blackberry pies, and plum pies.  They were delicious – our mother was a great cook and produced great wholesome food and when she was on form She could be quite pleasant during her more peaceful periods … but it never lasted.  Not ever.

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Step away from your computer!

Or in my case the laptop…

I have been so wrapped up in my writing recently that anyone even attempting to drag me away (stealing my precious time!) from my computer is currently met with a grunt of sorts, however with a lot of coercing from my hubby and friends they managed to drag me (mildly protesting) at this invasion of my time for lunch!  Yes that’s right I said lunch, not to the end of the world for an unlimited amount of time, not to the Amazon jungle where I could possibly get lost for years, JUST LUNCH. “You will feel refreshed” they said “it will be good for you” pipes up my hubby, and do you know what they were absolutely right.

The need to step away from your writing from time to time to regroup and press that
refresh button in your head is almost as important as writing the book itself.  I was more than grateful to everyone for encouraging me out (of Dawns world) to a lovely lunch with friends and family!  This cleared my head, talking and thinking about other things was very good for me.  Once I arrived home my head felt so much clearer and later on when my princess was settled I was able to look at my work with totally fresh eyes.  This can only be a good thing.

I spent three hours last evening going over a lot of much needed research, this has brought me to a rather difficult part of my book, and I asked myself how would I write this part?  What is the best way to explain this particular part?  My head felt cloudy as I had not had a proper break from my book in quite a while, every spare moment was assigned to writing or research. I had forgotten the importance of taking a break! Hence today’s headline: step away from your computer, (for just a while) this I now
appreciate! This I have found makes me write much better and with a clearer head.

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Time is precious…

Time is so precious we should never take it for granted as it passes by so very quickly
(almost at the speed of light it feels these days?) I get but a precious few
hours late into the evening to do my research, I write as many lines as humanly
possible. I was asked the other day when do you expect to finish your books? I
replied when time allows! I was very honest with my reply as I have asked
myself this question often recently whilst tapping away into the early hours…

The benefit of writing your first novel/autobiography is that you are not tied into
a contract which has time restraints on you. You are free to write your book at
your own pace taking the time to go over it as many times as you like. The
downside of being un-published of course is the eventual fear that you may
never get your prized work published? This I know all writers think about at
some point during there first novel which gives me some comfort. This I remind
myself when I am thinking a long those lines – is part of my whole writing experience
(trials and tribulations!) So I say to myself “stay focused Dawn don’t
loose sight of what your doing”.

Tonight is not a writing night but a research night before I can continue
with my autobiography, I have a folder 2 inches thick to read tonight this is a
tall order so I envisage working into the small hours! I shall sit down on my
comfy sofa with a tall G/T (helps enormously) and soak up all the information
important for my books continuation. So my headline today (time is precious?)
some may say why? and I would reply “Once time has passed its gone
forever”. So making the most of every last minute is essential to fulfil
my dream of one day becoming a published author. Good night all…

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